Posted: Fri Dec 12, 2008 8:56 am Post subject: Children
It's been a long time since i had a vivid dream that i have remembered or that has had such an effect on me but i had an interesting one last night.
As most of you know i don't have children and don't particularly want any. I've never been comfortable around children. I always feel awkward that i don't know how to behave around them. Once upon a time i suppose like everyone i thought at some time i would be a parent but that feeling has passed and my life has moved on to one that would not accomodate children anymore.
Last night i had the most vivid dream that i was a father to two young children. A boy and a girl. About 18 months to 2 years old. They looked like me. I recognized them. I felt so at ease with them. I knew all the things there are to know about parenting. Things that i don't know in real life. But it was all so natural to me. It was second nature. Nothing wierd happened in the dream, it was just like everyday life. I was just spending time with them.
I'm not sure how to put the next bit into words but they knew me, there was a bond. I just can't explain it properly.
When i woke up this morning a realised it was a dream, it felt awful. Like a loss. Something i haven't felt since my mother died. It actually moved me to tears. I feel really upset at the moment, it's like the end of the world.
But it's started me thinking about what dreams are. Are they really just our brains and imagination doing overtime? This felt like more. They were my kids. How can a brain recreate that? And recreate something that i haven't experienced?
I've often wondered whether dreams are snippets of what our lives would be like if we had took a different direction at some point. What might have been. I hope so. I hope their out there somewhere and there's a Kieron thats a very proud father.
Sometimes the universe shows us things by way of a lesson.
Perhaps you needed to know how it feels to be a parent. Your life has perhaps been based on assumption. The assumption that you would make a lousy father.
It also reminds me of the Scrooge story.
He truly believed that money was the paramount thing in life.
My take on it is that Kas knows much about parenting. These are skills which he uses in each aspect of his life. The thing is that these skills are not only used with children.
To love and nurture a person, or a thing such as the fort, to help it grow and be the best it can be, to be supportive and uncompromising, to fear for that thing or person, and yet to trust them, to have high hopes and to see the natural strengths and beauty in that person or thing are all skills Kas uses in all aspects of his life. (sorry Kas, but its true)
Part of this is to let that person or thing go when the time is right, even though you are letting go of a part of yourself. But equally, the love and experience stays with you always.
Perhaps this dream just made that realisation conscious.
Or maybe the loss shows how much we value that thing or person, which is not a bad thing
No i'm an only child. I used to moan about it to my mum when she was alive that i wished i had a brother or sister. I always felt that i should have had a sister for some reason.
Then i found something out a few years ago.
When i was young my father had been a heavy drinker, my mum and Dad would often row. Eventually they divorced.
My Mum died suddenly in 2000 and on the morning of the funeral i found my Aunt and Grandmother arguing about telling me something. I made them tell me and they told me that after a particular row between my parents my father had hit my Mum and that she had lost a baby on the bathroom floor. A baby girl. My father didn't even know she was pregnant and is still unaware to this day. I have decided not to tell him. He's a different person now, a frail old man. I think the news would break his heart.
I still can't believe my Mum never told me though. It must have been an awful secret to have kept.
I was going to say something about the dream you had and her - hey but you know that's ok ..... I'll say it anyway... I had this strong feeling that the dream had to do with your sister and the way things could have been .... _________________ as a babe drinks from its mothers breast so too does man milk mother earth
Kas your story reminds me a bit of a reading I did for a fellow
where I kept giving him information about his brother- he kept insisting he didn't' have a brother and I was finding the whole thing so frustrating because it was so clear to me
I had this "man" telling me he was his brother and that he was involved with drugs and guns and cloacks and daggers and he kept apologising to his brother for his life....it appeared he was involved in all kinds of stuff....
anyways silly bugger after the reading I apologised and said I must have been bringing someone else through and he laughed as he turned to his cousin who had brought him and said this silly woman thinks I have a brother- I nearly choked when the cousin said -" just because your brother is dead doesn't mean you dont' have a brother!!" ...... it turned out the brother was killed in underworld killings
MOST frustrating reading I've had to date ha!
I guess its the similar for you Kas you were brought up an only child but your mother did have another baby- its sad you are right not to say anything to your dad it would have no benefit at all _________________ as a babe drinks from its mothers breast so too does man milk mother earth
Kas, when a psychic or medium asks you a question it's always a good rule of thumb to just answer 'yes' or 'no'.
You could have just said everything she was picking up and now all her information will be pointless.
Oh well, we live and learn.
I wasn't trying to be read. Mediums don't do that with me.
I'll tell you a true story now. My Mum used to go to mediums/clairvoyants.
Once during the late 70's early 80's she went to see a famous one in the East End of London. She made an appointment and when she went to see her i happened to be a passenger in the car. I was quite happy to sit in the car while my mum went in and as a young child I guess i really didn't understand what it was my Mum was doing. We parked down the road from where my Mum had been directed to go.
She said she would be back in an hour and duely supplied me with some comic books.
Ten minutes later she came back looking stressed. Now i have to say at this point that my Mum told me everything (apart from the baby incident). Even when a doctor told her i might have cancer and would have to have my leg amputated but not to tell me she did. She was like that.
Apparently the medium had told her that her son was sitting in the car outside. She said that i was evil and that she couldn't give my Mum a reading.
True story.
Although as a child i had a keen interest in the paranormal and avidly collected the "Unexplained" Mags in the late 80's, remember them? My families history with the paranormal was far more interesting.
Some of you may remember the story of my Nan and the Ouija boards that ended up with her being Exorcized. Had a cross above her bed till her dying day aged 96. Some 50 years after the event. Of course then in the early seventies my Mum took up the mantle in a basement of an office block in the City of London. The results more or less caused a very prestigious company to shut down and made a lot of psychiatrists very busy.
The only time someone has ever tried to give me a reading was with cards.
Up North near a little village called Pontsbury or something. I won't go into the story but i was with a friend. His reading was full of bright cards. Flowers, the sun, all happy stuff. Every one of mine was dark. Black and blue, thunder and lightening, men with beards and swords.
We did laugh.
crikey Kas that unusual but not unheard of .. I wonder what she was picking up on Kas i wonder if it was your interest in ghosts and ghouls??? its a strange thing to say regardless
I have had a few clients say similar things to me- or tell me they are impossible to read for because someone else told them so .. actually had one yesterday tell me she was told by another that she wouldn't;' read for her until she got her life in order... ha! strange I thought she was rather together LOL _________________ as a babe drinks from its mothers breast so too does man milk mother earth
Ok, maybe only Meiah will understand this. (No disrespect to others)
I haven't tried anything psychic for a long long time but I activated my arena tonight. I never could get to grips with this with the premise of this, but basically I imagined a cube. A room. Standing outside was a tall dark figure wanting to come in to my space.
I immediately felt intimidated so closed down. Maybe somewhat hastily.
I felt afterwards it could have been my grandfather although I was very young when he died I have always felt a connection to him. We were/are very much alike.
Not sure what to do now.
I'll be honest with you all.
If i'm going to go with this i currently have two feelings on the subject.
As you know I have had a bad time of it lately.
Part of me feels that something (maybe the figure) is causing my bad time, the other that they are here to help me get through it.
I'm just not sure. Sorry but haven't opened myself up to these thoughts for so long.
I've always been too practically minded though. I dismiss most things.
A nagging doubt that in all my recent years since my mothers death. Why haven't I experienced anything from her.
It doesn't make sense to me. She worked with the paranormal and now so do I. Why not a sign from her then?
I do believe. Or do i want to believe? I spoke to her on my wedding day.
And i've asked her for help recently. I guess an atheists way of praying.
When my mother died I didn't start my quest to find her again. I never connected the two. I don't do this to try an take away my grief.
That's seperate. Something I don't want to share I guess.
But if, if I am being affected by something paranormal? Where is she now?
Or am I just missing a mothers protection in a dark time?
Surely i'd have something in the last 8 years?
Or maybe I do have her protection and love, but just take it for granted?
Hmmm, see, i've already broken the first rule.
I've opened myself up to the suggestion of something negative.
I've fallen in to the trap of not being positive. Not creating my own destiny.
I have wondered why dear family members don't visit me as many others do especially in times of sadness and extra need-- I thought on this for so long then one day after over 20 years of her passing my dear Granny stepped in and gave me some advice I was not trusting that is was her after so long so she gave me her name through many others that day and I gained some faith in the idea that I am not alone afteral
Kas perhaps if you have something that reminds you of your mother from time to time that is her impinging on you in a safe and non threatening way... I have come across people who have learned their own signs of confirmation over the years and it seems to work for them.
another thing I have found for me is that the harder I try the less I get.. my connection is always strongest and clearest when I am feeling good and not scattered
i think if you felt it was our grandfather then it most likely was- believe you can't be hurt that is your greatest strength for fear is really the worst emotion in this arena
you obviously have a connection its your choice how far you want to take it :)
_________________ as a babe drinks from its mothers breast so too does man milk mother earth
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