It's reported today the pop star Rihanna has secretly married her pop star boyfriend Chris Brown at a secret wedding over the weekend.
This follows the incident last month where Brown beat Rihanna so badly she was left needing hospital treatment.
As they are both pop stars and this is probably some kind of publicity stunt you have to take what you read with a certain amount of salt, but you hear of this kind of thing going on in real life as well.
Is the female self-esteem so lacking in some women that they would rather settle for an abusive violent man than no man at all.
If a lover of mine beat me there is absolutely nothing they could do or say that would ever make me consider taking them back.
My only interest in them after that would be seeing them swinging from a tree.
Why do some women take back abusive men? I really don't get it.
Kwanyin
Its not just women tho is it! It happens to men too. Personally I have been a victim of domestic violence… the only reason I didn’t get out sooner was the fact I was shit scared of him.
The difference between Rihanna and myself is… if my ex hit me before I had children to him, I would have never had children to him.
I doubt Chris Brown will be reformed from his violence anger towards women…Think the girl needs a lobotomy.
Raymond
Maybe she'll end up needing more than that if she stays with that dreadful man.
And you're absolutely right, it isn't only women. I remember when I was a kid we had a family living in our street. The woman was a huge hulking great article and the hasband a little weak thing and she used to beat him silly.
Everyone used to laugh at him for letting a woman hit him but I tell you, I wouldn't want to get on the wrong side of this woman.
I remember one night they were having a massive ding dong and the police were called and it took five coppers to restrain her. She was like a wild animal!
Kwanyin
Its just as wrong for a women to hit a man as it is for a man to hit a women….he didn’t hit her back probably for one he was shit scared or maybe he was what I call a reall man!!! that wouldn’t want to lash out at any women regardless of any situation.
There was something on the radio news the other day about how many men are physically abused by women, think its just as high for men as it is women.
One guy was so badly beaten by his wife he reported it to the police…only to be laughed at by them. What the hell was all that about???
evergreen
she thinks she loves him it is as simple and as complicated as that.. she and others like her think they are in need of each other...
they usually eventually move on and make changes
Waffle King
Celeb b*******, all of it, i doubt Brown ever beat her, and i doubt they got married, it's a load, and frankly a waste of several good trees
evergreen
he did beat her.... I know that first hand.
no idea about the marriage thing though I would not be surprised
beantighe
Just to throw another scenario into the pot.
My hubby's first wife was an alcoholic and a bit of a psycho. She could turn just like that. They would have had a nice night out, but the minute they got home she would turn on him out of the blue. Once she hit him over the head with a frying pan. Another time she threw a wine glass at him, but he ducked, and it left a complete imprint on the wall. She also poured a boiling hot cup of coffee over him. He eventually fled down South, but the last night he spent in the marital home was in the front room on the sofa, with a chair wedged under the door handle, because she had threatened to get him with a carving knife! She had also threatened to throw a live electric fire into the bath when he was in it.
Before John came down South, from the Liverpool area, his soon-to-be ex had got it into her head that he was having an affair with a woman friend of theirs. It was a complete fantasy on her part, but after he left - or escaped - she turned her venom on this other woman. The harassment got so bad, that this woman phoned John down here, to tell him what his wife was doing. He said she needed a break, and why didn't she come down south with her children for a short holiday, and he would book her into a B&B.
After some time, the ex-wife's jealousy drove them together anyway. Eventually they married, and were together for about 8 years. Then the 2nd wife had an affair and left him.
The point is, I've been with John for 11 years now, married for just over 4 of them, and you couldn't wish for a kinder, more understanding man. And yet the fellow his 2nd wife left him for was known to be a wife-beater, and she was seen quite a few times after that with black eyes. I understand her first husband beat her up, too.
John and I can only think that violence was all she was used to, and because he was kind to her, she found him boring. Also, he was no longer so well off because of his first divorce - his ex took him to the cleaners, and when he came down here he had to build his life from scratch again.
So I can only come to the conclusion that Rihanna, along with so many other women, thinks she loves this brute, and that in some twisted way, the beatings prove that he loves her, because 'he wouldn't react like that if he didn't care, right?' Also, some women mistakenly think that love conquers all, and that in time he'll change. I can assure her that he won't - he'll probably get worse. Ultimately I think it all boils down to lack of self-esteem. If a woman doesn't believe, deep down, that she's worth any better, she'll always automatically go for the kind of guy who will treat her like dirt, and the worst of it is, she thinks it's normal to be treated like that. It's the children of such a relationship I feel sorry for because a) they could be at risk of violence too, and b) they'll grow up also thinking it's a normal way to behave, and so the train of violence gets perpetuated.
evergreen
you can break the cycle but you have to see it first
beantighe
Of course!
evergreen
perhaps it was time for him to have a fantastic relationship :)
its all too common .... I can comment on abuse in various forms cause I think I've seen it all it is devastating it can get a real hold on you the things is that you are vulnerable and these people are predators be they partner parents friends or some loop who just takes the fancy... it is only when you stop being the victim that you can help yourself no one can do that for you getting to that point is often the longest hardest journey you can slip back into the same old pattern I guess it depends on how well you learn your lesson- or perhaps who tough your lesson really was
Its can be hard watching people make these choices.... it like banging your head on a brick wall and quite frankly it can be utterly draining
it take real guts to step out of an abusive relationship your Steve did well to get away from his first wife and to end the violence in his life.. in the end the whole thing is about stepping back and realising you don't need this in your life and taking the situation into your own hands
beantighe
You're absolutely right, Evergreen, except my hubby's name is John, not Steve!
I've been married three times, too. My first husband beat me up, and threw a potful of tea over me, so I left him. No kids, luckily.
I stayed with my second husband for just over 20 years. It was much harder then, because I had three children, and I was trapped: nowhere to go, no job, no money, and no family prepared to help. It wasn't physical violence with him, it was paranoid jealousy and possessiveness, nasty, sarky comments and remarks which slowly ate away at my confidence and feelings of self-worth, endless lies, and worst of all, the years of endless debt he got us into, with car loans, always old bangers. Money I'd put by for bills would go missing, from the house, and also from our joint bank account. It got so bad that I struggled to feed us all, had to buy my clothes from jumble sales, and couldn't afford to buy shoes for the kids. Not one of them would lift a finger to help in the house, and when I finally was able to leave, he accused me of being a 'blood-sucking parasite' and why didn't I get a job?'
I did manage to get away in the end, but my mother took his side and disowned me, and worse still, spread it round the family what a wicked, ungrateful daughter I was, and told them not to have anything to do with me. Sheep that they were, they all believed her, and not one of them ever asked me for my side of the story, and that still aggrieves me. So now I don't have a family any more, either, and to my mind, they're not worth knowing, if they're so eager to judge me on the hearsay of one vindictive, spiteful woman.
evergreen
opps sorry my mistake John
kids that appears to be the killer.. even then I say break the cycle don't start another one....
beantighe
That's the trouble, it's so so hard when you've got kids. You agonise over what to do, where to go, what to live on. My older two were in their teens, studying for school exams at the time, and my youngest was about 8. I had no friends (he didn't like me having friends) and I didn't dare upset my mother, because I knew what she'd do - and she did. I was over a barrel whichever way you looked at it. I knew if I left, I'd be on my own. When I did, they wouldn't speak to me, especially the middle one - the eldest had left for university, and her father, grandmother and sister spoiled my youngest rotten with expensive presents and treats, so that she was all for her dad, because I couldn't give her those things. I think they've realised their mistake, as she's grown up into a spoiled little madam with no sense of responsibility, just like her father where money's concerned. Still, I think she's growing up - slowly!
As if all that wasn't bad enough, I was ostracised and shunned by all the neighbours, some of whom even crossed the road to avoid me. I got glared at wherever I went. Eventually I moved away from that small seaside town and came 70 to 80 miles away to where I am now. And here I've been for just over 11 years.
