david hobbs
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ContactI have a friend who lost his wife about 8 months ago.
He spends all of his time trying to contact her.
I keep telling him that she will if she wishes to, but he is totally obsessed and I worry that he is becoming too obsessed.
Is he being selfish or is this natural..
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laura
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it sounds to me as if he could be too obsessed with needing the contact.... he has entered almost denial..and therefore will not complete the natural grieving process ....xx
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meiah
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Sounds like he hasn't let her go. Until he does, how can he live his life?
I wonder if this is what she would want?
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beantighe
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It's grief. The poor man's desolate and still trying to come to terms with his loss, so he's clutching at the slightest thing that might give him comfort. You don't say how long he and his wife were married, David. The poor man is heartbroken, that's why he can't accept the loss of his wife. Does he have other family to rally round and support him? I do hope he's not being left all alone. I think people react to a death in different ways, and it's hit your friend particularly hard. He just needs time, lots of it, and patience. I'm sure his late wife would hate to see him that way.
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Lilly
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Yes it is grief,which is perfectly natural and can take time to get over.
But the biggy here is; could you try to explain to him that the more sadness he displays,and the grief he feels is actually putting up a barrier for his wife to contact him.When the spirits contact us,grief creates a fog,and you know how hard it is to penetrate fog. The way will clear if he can calm down a bit and try to be at peace,then the fog will lift.This is the simplest way I can describe it.Remember they used to say the Veil of death? which is just what it is. That 'veil' /fog has to be cleared before the contact can be made.
Radio and television waves can be distorted through rain,especially with digital satellite.Spirit is similar,the waves can be distorted by tears[rain] and reception is poor,or non existant. Does this make sense?
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Bravo
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It's a perfectly normal reaction and part of the grieving process. I don't think it would do much good to tell him to 'have less grief', I doubt it is something he can control at this point.
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Lilly
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| Bravo wrote: | | It's a perfectly normal reaction and part of the grieving process. I don't think it would do much good to tell him to 'have less grief', I doubt it is something he can control at this point. |
I didn't mean to say for him to have less grief,thats something that has to be gradually got over in our own time,what I meant was ,for someone to try to explain to him that his sadness is stopping the contact,and until that time when he can overcome his grief, there will be the 'veil',or curtain.
When that curtain which hides the dark/or grief is opened to reveal the light/peace,then can the contact be made.
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meiah
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IS that why grieving people often go to see a Medium?
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david hobbs
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Grieving people do gain comfort from mediums.
They can also be disappointed if no "contact" is made.
I have seen mediums pick out people in churches and give them the most amazing readings about someone who has just past.
If this is from the deceased or not is questionable in my mind but non the less in terms of comfort it did seem to help the person.
Regarding my friend at the beginning of this thread, Another friend of ours who is as psychic as a brick claimed to have been visited by his deceased wife.
I told my friend this and said that he should be pleased. He was not.
To me that suggests that the only person he is interested in is himself.
Harsh words but that is how I see it.
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beantighe
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That's jealousy, David. 'Why did she come to my friend but not to me?' But even so, that's also a natural part of grieving. First the abject grief of loss, then the anger at having been 'deserted' by the deceased spouse. As Lilly says, the fog of grief must clear and the mind be calmer before she can make contact - if she wishes to.
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Lilly
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I had another thought... 
Did this friend of yours have a good relationship with his wife?
If she couldn't stand the sight of him,there's no way she would want to come back to visit. 
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beantighe
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Except to haunt him, maybe! *evil grin*
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swanlady
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I don,t know if this will help at all David.
But i truly believe that the 1st year after the death of a loved one. You relive what the loved one would have been doing at that time of the year.
In other words, the hardest time is the 1st four seasons.
My dad always said you must give at least two years to grieve before you stand picking up the pieces to your life and moving forward. He seemed to be right as well from what i,ve experienced.
Its only been 8 months for your friend. He,s not obsessed. He is just missing and grieving for his wife, which is perfectly natural.
Let him carry on seeking proof of his wifes existance after death.
He,ll find his proof soon, and then he,ll start to move forward.
Just support him in his time of grief.
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evergreen
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Its and interesting questions David.. there are many reasons why he may feel the way he does and all of them are his right at this moment.. he will move on when he is ready we are not hear to give people set amounts of time for each process we are just here and the process is theirs alone
here is my experience with someone not coming through..
For the first time I have had someone come to me and not get the person they were wanting to come through.... its not a loved one as such but a friend I brought through her sister who passed 30 years back and had some very interesting things to say and to offer as a means of sorting out some family issues but this woman was not impress with this she asked why would her sister who she didn't really care for come through???? and the beginning of her session I did feel a man who had passed as a smoker she didn't want him and told me so (he was an ex husband)... when I finished the reading I was a little bemused as to what had occurred for me it was a great reading and yet she was very disappointed so I went on and gave her some more clairvoyance to give her some hope in the future and show her she is being looked after .. and for the first time that I know of, this lady bad mouthed me saying I was not very good.. she went to other mediums and got no one.. went to church and again no one.. I her saw her now hubby (alive and kicking ) the other week who told me how she was still wanting some message from this man... but that all I had told her was already happening ...
what have I learned?
Some people just do not know what is good for them..... many of us expect too much .. some of us think we should have .. and not that we just may have if others are willing ......
that is my conclusion so far
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david hobbs
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Only the foolish and selfish would think that the universe bows to their every wish.
You have been visited by a fool.
No wonder he won't come by for a chat with her.
Some people don't realise that their loved ones actually bloody well hated them.
Sorry about that but it is true.
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evergreen
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 I have no idea maybe he was with someone else??? who knows
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